Ecstasy

Sometimes in my dreams

I suffocate myself

In the pressure of

Your clasp, and then

Lie limp, as if

You have picked me up.

In my dreams do I

Sometimes scream, sometimes cry,

And then wet my pillow

A while.

This wakes me up

Every morning at five.

Sometimes when alone

I close my eyes,

I look in the mirror of my lid,

You stand there gazing

Down at me, for I’m small –

Four years ago I dared not look up,

But now I have no colour

Rising to my cheeks,

Only the lips burn for something,

You know.

This keeps me still

For a long long time.

Sometimes I put soft music

To my ear,

And put off the lights,

Then I can be in space,

Where everything disappears

And you appear like a

Shining star which

I want to hold;

Like I used to when

I was a little girl.

And I open up like a flower

To receive you.

Sometimes I lie on the grass,

And let the sun

Wet me;

It seems very close nearby,

As if you have touched me.

A thrill runs down my spine.

And I throw up my hands

To touch you;

I forget where I am,

I forget the truth,

I forget the sun,

I think it’s only you.